|"Could someone pause the clocks while I adjust my personal drum set?"|
In our first game, White somehow ended up emulating an opening that was played almost exactly a year ago in the World Chess Championship 2016: The Trompowsky. Incidentally, it was also pretty close to the first anniversary of a certain major election in the United States, whose winner’s name bore a close resemblance to said opening… *cough*
Here was the original game between Carlsen and Karjakin from Round 1 of the World Championship 2016:
Meanwhile, here’s a half-hearted parody—oops, I mean an all-out showdown between the Trompowsky’s mighty namesake and an extremely dangerous opponent, inspired from the earlier game.
WARNING: If you’re a chess purist who is looking only for expert-level analysis of high quality games, please do not read on, for the resulting moves will give you brain hemorrhage. But if you’re just a patzer looking for laughs, feel free to proceed:
|"Wait, I don't remember Karjakin playing 4... g6, did he?"|
What can we learn from this game?
- Donald Tromp is a daydreamer
- In human chess, the tactical vision of both sides drop by 50%
- A pawn centre is an advantage that must be used wisely. If improperly supported or pushed too early, it will become a target of attack instead
- Look out for weak squares created by PPPP (poorly planned pawn pushes)!
So Tromp walks away defeated, but insisting that the game was rigged and that he should have won. Thankfully we are spared a chain of ballistic tweets thanks to an unsung hero who deactivated Donald’s Twitter account.
|Not a Liberal conspiracy, I swear|
Meanwhile, our winner prepares to take on her next challenger. Enter, the creator of luxury vehicles:
|"HOW DID WE MISS THE SKEWER AGAIN?"|
So… what can we learn from this game?
- Quantity over quality: A world famous singer can’t outwit an entire fleet of automobiles.
- Tromp should consider buying over the new Audi fleet.
- When about to lose material, desperado tactics may sometimes be an effective strategy
- Similarly, when defending a difficult position, make life as difficult as possible for your opponent! This will increase the chances of them making mistakes.
If you’ve managed to read all the way to the end and still keep a straight face, kudos to you. Nevertheless, great job to everyone for your efforts, and considering that all three teams missed basic tactical combinations… let’s call that a draw.
Zyance - Own work, CC BY-SA 2.5, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=1745182